Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I haven't written here in forever... I feel like somesort of stranger. But I am realizing that I feel like that in almost everything in life.I needed to publish this but not on my blog. I don't understand why I am so afraid, about going to prom alone. And I am going alone. I went last year alone, and had a decent time. But this year, this year is different, I can't explain it. I want to be happy, and I'm not. I was so excited because I actually thought that I would get to go with Mannie, and I don't. Then I was stupid enough to get my hopes up when Owen mentioned it, and I thought well mabye I could go with him, which would be the perfect ending, to my year. But no, I have the horrid tenandcy to romantacise everything, make it to be a great novel, and in the end it doesn't work that way. I am keeping so much from all my friends that I just can't bear to tell. I can't say I was rejected again by Owen, I can't say I am not happy, I can't say that I wish I were far away, and that I don't understand myself. I haven't even told the majority of my friends that I brok up with Mannie. Last time I mentioned I wasn't happy I was talked about. I am at the point that I think I might need some sort of therapy.

I just finished a year in my red Anne Frank Diary. I hate what I write, I hate what I feel. In a whole year I am still concerned with the same exact things that I was, prom and being alone. A whole year, my god I'm pathetic. I feel stupid, I feel like a failure, I have cried almost everyday for two weeks. I wish I could be happy again.

posted by -alex at 4/20/2004 08:31:00 PM ~

Sunday, April 04, 2004

busted
matchbox 20

i forget when words were only words
she knows the party makes me nervous
in this stage we can't get hurt
don't try to understand me

we're too cool to be alone
but, not too crazy to get busted

i found out one life just ain't enough
i need another soul to feed on
i'm the flame i can't get burnt
i'm wholly understated

i found silence in this space
an on and off again attraction
i need such amazing grace
heaven sweep me away
(chorus)
love don't change, don't come around here
don't wear my heart on your sleeve
like a high school letter
don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it
and the people we've become, well
they've never been the people who we are

i strap on one horse and pray for luck
i dug another hole to bleed
i know exactly how this works
i need a new feel dirty

i don't need you crowding up my space
i just want to get inside you
you can't believe the heart you save
giving something away

(chorus)

i dreamed that the world was crumbling down
we sat on my back porch and watched it
i dreamed that the buildings all fell down
we sat on my back porch and watched it
in my head i heard the sound
like fifteen strangers dancing

but oh how i want you to know me
oh how i want you to know me
oh how i wish i was somebody else, baby
oh how i wish you could own me

(chorus)

posted by Blue Star at 4/04/2004 04:58:00 PM ~